No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
only you would photoshop your dick
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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