She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize