yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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