your parents love me but you hate me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
