I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
