Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
