Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
