I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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