Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize