now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
farters have to be the big spoon...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
