This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
