the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
