just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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