So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
