No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Come see our sink grown plant.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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