At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
