why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
did i just pee glitter
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