you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
