I think I died a long time ago.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
