But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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