he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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