well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
