It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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