I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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