I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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