This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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