Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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