I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
