HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
