And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What drink are we having for lunch?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
