Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
