This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
