I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
