I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
