Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How naked do you want me to be?
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