I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
