Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
