i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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