My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
