he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
last night I used snow as a chaser
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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