Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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