Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
