Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
