My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
