New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
