my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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