You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
