Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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