No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
