You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
