I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The Olympian is in my bed
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
