Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize