My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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