The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
smell my finger.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
