Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
