Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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