i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
