watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
