Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
