Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
