there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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