Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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