forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
