it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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