Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
