Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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