Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
