great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
only you would photoshop your dick
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
