Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
