Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
